fleet in being.

 ...I don't know what to think. They scream, we scream, emotions are present just like back when we were 14 years old. They steal those pans and pods and knifes and plates. The common kitchen is emptier, with every robbery, because they are having fun. Amazing laughs, that do not let me work, neither rest. But I can't join them, it's too much. I am supposted to be a responsible adult, a good looking fiance sooner than a crazy teenage volunteer. It happened though. I am now here, driven by the emotions. His eyes, their madness. His joy and lack of tools to handle this life. It is crazy. It is madness.  I am driven by your eyes, and a smile and a nice touch.  Sitting near you on the couch,  When you do not look, I long to you, for a hearbeat. I long for you, but they are here and I agree.  I am driven by adventure, today, tomorrow, yesterday, no.  All this happened next to me,  For me, within me, I don't know.  I am driven, wonder why, difficult, crazy, immature,  Leaving

Recently, I talk a lot about how much I like writing, but actually do not write a lot these days. I'm writing because I have to, for work, for university. I tell people, that describing the reality is somehow my passion, and in meantime I have no idea what is real and I put off my writing for ever and procrastinate. Some moments in our lifes, some affairs like this one, opens up something in me again. Something, that used to dig its place very deep in me, in order to never see the light of the day. But suddenly, things happen and I want to remember how to feel, I want to stop those beautiful moments and keep them in a perfect shape for the sake of my heart and my wellbeing, to posses them forever. I want to rearrange them, into twenty seven letters, written repeatedly, over and over till I can breath again.  But I cannot breath. Volunteering. The decision that was not really thought through, stupid and childish escape from adulthood that I am facing. The last dive into irresponsibi