Cloudy Diary
The woman I became costed me people, relationships, spaces, material things... and it costed me people. But I choose her over everything. And I believe it's hard work being A PERSON - you have to do it every single day. You can feel there were years not worth a single day, and you can feel that there are hours worth twice as much.
I don't know how long I lasted with this rollercoaster of emotions, each time so high. This years was so intense. And here we are. I feel yours kisses on my forehead each time I moved at night. And I knew, that sometimes peace in heart is as important as butterflies in stomach. But maybe relationship should be al dente. Sometimes I just want to watch you working on your laptop, and sometimes I want you to make love to me, enough loud to make everyone annoyed with our happiness.
I still remember theirs smiles, I can recognize their faces and still put it into the correct order in my life. Sometimes all these sad facts seem to stop matter, because human brain tries to get rid of it, and apparently there is just sunshine left behind - and that is precious. But they should not be important anymore.
I never hated Mondays. It could be because I used to work all weekends, fo many hours, so actually the week was a pleasure time. I also agree with the thing that I heard recently. There are so many Mondays in my life, that hate for it would be a huge mistake. Is it smart to be upset all week and just wait for weekends, where I can finally jump into tons of alcohol? It is like one can live just 2 out of 7 days (with this nervous thought about weekend's going to end soon). Biggest part of the life is just waiting for something to come. I believe that people should live more often.
A good friend of mine recently inspired me to write a bit more about my life. I would like to have something that will last longer than the memory in my head. Something that somebody can read on my wedding, or my funeral. Maybe it could make people cry in very rainy Autumn afternoon. I think I have things that need to be said to the world outside, maybe I am just not that good at delivering it. Delivery require being brave, at least to some extent. There is some special kind of loneliness resulting from a sense of misunderstanding, when one knows things that are unknown for others. And in fact, it is not very good to pass it on to anyone else, because people are not interested in that.
I hope it can happen, I would like to write my story from the beginning anyway. I just need my comfort zone back, please. And the Cloudy Diary will appear.
I don't know how long I lasted with this rollercoaster of emotions, each time so high. This years was so intense. And here we are. I feel yours kisses on my forehead each time I moved at night. And I knew, that sometimes peace in heart is as important as butterflies in stomach. But maybe relationship should be al dente. Sometimes I just want to watch you working on your laptop, and sometimes I want you to make love to me, enough loud to make everyone annoyed with our happiness.
I still remember theirs smiles, I can recognize their faces and still put it into the correct order in my life. Sometimes all these sad facts seem to stop matter, because human brain tries to get rid of it, and apparently there is just sunshine left behind - and that is precious. But they should not be important anymore.
I never hated Mondays. It could be because I used to work all weekends, fo many hours, so actually the week was a pleasure time. I also agree with the thing that I heard recently. There are so many Mondays in my life, that hate for it would be a huge mistake. Is it smart to be upset all week and just wait for weekends, where I can finally jump into tons of alcohol? It is like one can live just 2 out of 7 days (with this nervous thought about weekend's going to end soon). Biggest part of the life is just waiting for something to come. I believe that people should live more often.
A good friend of mine recently inspired me to write a bit more about my life. I would like to have something that will last longer than the memory in my head. Something that somebody can read on my wedding, or my funeral. Maybe it could make people cry in very rainy Autumn afternoon. I think I have things that need to be said to the world outside, maybe I am just not that good at delivering it. Delivery require being brave, at least to some extent. There is some special kind of loneliness resulting from a sense of misunderstanding, when one knows things that are unknown for others. And in fact, it is not very good to pass it on to anyone else, because people are not interested in that.
I hope it can happen, I would like to write my story from the beginning anyway. I just need my comfort zone back, please. And the Cloudy Diary will appear.
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